<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Conflict of Interest by sunsets4muggings</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26961604">Conflict of Interest</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsets4muggings/pseuds/sunsets4muggings'>sunsets4muggings</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Succession (TV 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Extramarital Affairs, Greg's Perspective, M/M, POV Third Person Limited</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:41:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,572</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26961604</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsets4muggings/pseuds/sunsets4muggings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom’s a walking contradiction, a constant battle between self-destruction and self-preservation. The calculated businessman he tries to be versus the desperate, emotion-driven wreck he is. It’s what makes him so unpredictable; sometimes the weak, loose grip he has over his emotions slips, and then it’s anyone’s game. Then he’s pulling Greg close and telling him not to worry, this is fine, he and Shiv are adults – even though he’s acting like anything but.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Greg Hirsch/Tom Wambsgans</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Conflict of Interest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Greg doesn’t know how he’s gotten himself involved in an affair. A stupidly dangerous, potentially career-ending affair with strings and ties so complicated it’s hard to put them all in a single, coherent sentence. An affair with his cousin’s husband, who’s also his boss and an executive in the corporation Greg’s great uncle and said cousin’s father is the CEO of. Thinking about it like that makes Greg’s head spin a little.</p><p>And it’s definitely an affair. There was plausible deniability to it before; a few months ago, Greg would’ve written it off as a handful of drunken hookups. Consistent drunken hookups, sure, but the circumstances were forgiving enough not to have to call it anything else. And the shame that followed was palpable enough to think it would never happen again. Except it did, and it kept happening, and somewhere along the line alcohol stopped being involved, and the whole thing took a more serious, albeit unspoken note, and really, ‘affair’ is the most accurate term there is.</p><p>Greg guesses that makes him a mistress. It doesn’t sound right, because in his mind mistresses are these seductive, exciting people the unhappily married go to when their marriages start turning sour due to like, lack of communication or whatever, and Greg doesn’t think he’s particularly seductive or exciting. But who else would he be in this situation? He’s not the willing, convenient assistant, because he’s about the furthest from convenient to Tom, and at this point he’s definitely not a drunken mistake anymore, either. So mistress is probably the closest descriptor of his position, because he <em>is</em> a secret extramarital partner, and the fact that the marriage in question is open doesn’t really take away from that because Greg’s pretty sure the openness doesn’t extend to your spouse’s relatives.</p><p>Greg’s not sure how he feels about this whole thing. Maybe part of the reason the word mistress seems off is because it assumes a kind of glamour, and there’s really no glamour for him here. Not the kind he can’t afford on his own now. No, the situation Greg is in, although it does bring a certain deal of forbidden excitement, mostly just brings stress, fear, and the inescapable dread of knowing that slipping up can only result in a shitstorm so horrible, it might even involve the media.</p><p> </p><p>----------</p><p>Greg is drunk enough not to think twice when Tom climbs into his lap, still laughing, and kisses him. It doesn’t come as a surprise, like he’s somehow been expecting it from the second Tom insisted they go for post-work drinks, joking something stupid about “the wife being out of town” and him being “a free man.” He doubts it was in Tom’s cards at the time, but it’s happened some three times before, and even though Greg swore to himself he wouldn’t let it happen again, he opens his mouth and puts his hands on Tom’s back.</p><p>Tom kisses him like it’s a joke, and Greg laughs along. It’s like a stupid game that’s only fun because of the sheer amount of alcohol in their systems, but sobriety and the shame that comes with it are too far away to consider.</p><p>Greg laughs because it’s a joke, but like every time before, Tom shifts and deepens the kiss, puts his hands in Greg’s hair, pulls a little, and it’s not funny anymore.</p><p>“Fuck,” Greg sighs and shifts, feels like his head is spinning on his shoulders and his extremities are filling with just want, want, want. “Do you maybe – bed?” he manages.</p><p>“Too far,” Tom pants, and then laughs again, like the joke is in the fact that really, it’s not.</p><p>Greg just kisses him again, and then Tom’s pushing him down and sideways, so they’re lying on the couch. Greg’s mind fuzzes at the edges, any thoughts he might have just blurring together into a dull white noise, and the only thing there is are Tom’s hands, his mouth, his body pressed against Greg’s. Soon enough he hears the distinct clinking of belts and the sound of flies coming undone, and his hands are flying south, and he’s barely aware of doing anything, just knows that it feels too good to think about.</p><p> </p><p>----------</p><p>The thing about this world Greg’s now a part of is that it’s a bit like theatre, except Greg’s not sure how much self-awareness there is to it. All the Waystar’s a stage, and all the Roys and executives merely players. Greg feels like an audience participant the cast assumes is as artificial as they are.</p><p>Maybe that’s what makes him see them so clearly as actors, makes him able to tell apart what they want from what they only want to want. Because that’s an important distinction, and once Greg’s caught on, he can tell; Connor just wants to count to someone, Kendall wants to be good enough, Roman wants approval, Shiv wants to be as independent as she thinks she is, and Tom…</p><p>Well, what Tom wants to want is to be the person he thinks Shiv wants him to be. And he’s the worst actor of them all, because he’s too desperate to embody this picture of a cruel yet charming businessman that effortlessly makes all these calculated decisions and comes out on top. He tries too hard to be effortless, and everyone can tell, and it turns him into a joke. He’s the comedy of character, and it’s not even his character. And the reason he’s doing it in the first place is to be taken seriously, which makes the whole thing even more ironic, makes everyone laugh harder. Greg just thinks it’s sad.</p><p>Because ultimately, what Tom wants, what he <em>really</em> wants, is to be loved. It’s so obvious in everything he does, in every wide-eyed, unblinking stare he casts, every emotional reaction to every failure he has. But what he doesn’t understand, or maybe doesn’t want to understand, is that he’s not going to find love here. It’s just not part of the deal.</p><p>Sometimes, Greg thinks that maybe he could love Tom. The problem is just that the things Greg could love him for are the same ones he wakes up every day trying to kill. Tom’s capable of cruelty, but there’s something unnatural in its execution; like each time he makes an active decision to it, an active decision to override the kindness that comes more naturally. Those things – kindness, solidarity, shame, care for others… There are times when they slip out through the cracks in Tom’s persona, and you can see his self-imposed role just isn’t right for him.</p><p>Tom’s a walking contradiction, a constant battle between self-destruction and self-preservation. The calculated businessman he tries to be versus the desperate, emotion-driven wreck he is. It’s what makes him so unpredictable; sometimes the weak, loose grip he has over his emotions slips, and then it’s anyone’s game. Then he’s pulling Greg close and telling him not to worry, this is fine, he and Shiv are <em>adults</em> – even though he’s acting like anything but.</p><p> </p><p>----------</p><p>“I can’t believe you tricked me like this,” Tom complains for the thousandth time. “What part of boys’ night sounds like it doesn’t involve alcohol to you?”</p><p>“I don’t know, I thought we could just like, hang out or something,” Greg shrugs.</p><p>“<em>Just hang out or something</em>,” Tom repeats mockingly. “I didn’t know I was being invited to a middle school sleepover, Greg.”</p><p>“You asked <em>me</em> to hang out!” Greg says defensively.</p><p>“No, I asked if you wanted to have a boys’ night,” Tom corrects, “which is about getting drunk and having fun and blowing off steam because my wife’s out of town and I don’t want to just watch the news until I fall asleep on the couch.”</p><p>Greg picks at the sleeve of his sweater. “Look, I’m sorry,” he says finally. “I mean, I have some beer in the fridge if you want? I’m not gonna drink but like, you can.”</p><p>Tom clicks his tongue. “No, that’d just be sad.”</p><p>They sit in an uncomfortable silence for a while, Greg half expecting Tom to tell him to go fuck himself and leave, but he stays put.</p><p>“What’s with the sudden purity act, anyway?” Tom asks after a while.</p><p>“I just don’t feel like drinking, I guess,” Greg says, avoiding Tom’s eyes.</p><p>“Oh, come on,” Tom scoffs. “That’s bullshit. What’s wrong with you?”</p><p>“Listen, I just,” Greg begins, choosing his words carefully. “I just think there’s like, a history of, uh, us and alcohol and like, making mistakes? That shouldn’t really happen? Like, just some bad decisions that we should probably avoid?”</p><p>Tom’s face changes as he talks, although he tries to keep a neutral expression. Greg can always tell.</p><p>“I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” Tom lies, and Greg knows he’s lying, but it’s probably safer not to push it. Tom looks and sounds like he’s seconds away from going into crazy unpredictable mode, and Greg can’t deal with that now.</p><p>“I just, uh, think it’s safer if we don’t drink,” he concludes.</p><p>“Fine,” Tom says, but he doesn’t sound fine – he sounds like a petulant kid, and Greg’s a bit lost on what to do. “But you better find a way to entertain me that doesn’t include us braiding each other’s hair like we’re twelve.”</p><p>“We could, uh, watch a movie?” Greg suggests. “Or, or, I got this new video game, it’s pretty cool –”</p><p>“I said something that doesn’t involve being twelve fucking years old, Greg.”</p><p>“Look, man, are you okay?” Greg asks, because he’s pretty sure something’s the matter and he’s running out of ideas to avoid it.</p><p>“Of course I’m okay, why wouldn’t I be okay?” Tom asks in that defensive way that confirms to Greg he’s definitely not.</p><p>“You’re just acting like, I don’t know,” Greg shrugs nervously. “I mean, like, if you wanna talk –”</p><p>“Is that what you do with Kendall?” Tom mocks. “Sit and talk about your problems?”</p><p>“Is that what this is about?” Greg asks, his patience wearing thin. “Like, are you jealous that I hang out with Kendall sometimes? Because like, I don’t get it, you’re not my only friend, it’s not like I can <em>cheat</em> –”</p><p>“God, shut up,” Tom snaps, and the next thing Greg knows is that Tom’s on top of him, kissing him, and Greg’s brain is lagging too far behind to react in any sort of meaningful way.</p><p>“Tom, fuck, stop,” Greg says after a moment, and Tom pulls away. “Dude – what? Is this like, jealousy? ‘Cause Kendall’s my <em>cousin</em>, man.”</p><p>“What?” Tom asks. “I know that! Fuck!”</p><p>“Then like, what?” Greg asks, at a loss. “Like, is this, is it something to do with Shiv? Like some kind of revenge?”</p><p>“No, just – no!” Tom runs a hand through his hair. “Just, I just want to –” he laughs, a hint of mania in it that scares Greg. “Just shut up!”</p><p>“Dude,” Greg says, pushing Tom away gently and standing up. His mind is running at a thousand miles per hour, and he starts pacing in front of the couch nervously. “Like, this isn’t a good idea.”</p><p>“Why not?” Tom asks. “’Cause I’m <em>married? </em>Shiv can fuck around, why can’t I?”</p><p>“I mean it’s a little more complicated than that,” Greg reasons.</p><p>Tom stands up. “You’re overthinking it,” he says. “Let’s just – you know, fuck it. I mean do you want to?”</p><p>“Do I –” Greg repeats and pauses. “I mean. I don’t know. Is that a trick question?”</p><p>“Greg,” Tom says, a lot more levelheaded than he should be. “Come on. We’re all adults. There’s no reason for us not to… It’s just yes or no.”</p><p>“I,” Greg begins again, braves a look at Tom’s face. He knows, objectively, that Tom’s probably being kind of insane now. And yet, he’s never looked more honest, more real. It makes something constrict in Greg’s chest, his heartbeat picking up noticeably. “Yeah,” he says in the end, mouth dry. “Yeah, okay.”</p><p> </p><p>----------</p><p>The thing that makes Greg different from all these people is that he’s not pretending. Sure, he can lie, play both sides if it serves his own self-interest – that’s just something you have to do to get ahead in this world – but he doesn’t pretend to be someone he’s not. The lies he tells are just that, they’re not something he puts on and wears from the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to sleep. The things he wants, he wants – there isn’t that extra layer of only wanting to want.</p><p>Which is probably better, objectively, in terms of your sense of self or whatever, but it does make it a bit more difficult when you don’t know what you want anymore. There’s nothing to fall back on and work towards – you’re kind of forced to sit down and think.</p><p>Greg wants this job. Well, maybe not this specific one, but whichever one is the natural progression from an executive’s executive assistant. And not at ATN of course, but the specifics are not the point. The point is he wants to stick with this. It feels good to feel important, and he knows he’s doing well for himself. And he wants his apartment, and his clothes, and the expensive food and wine and high-end clubs, and just this life, New York, exciting trips all over. He knows he wants this.</p><p>But then there’s Tom, and this is where the uncertainty kicks in. Because Greg also kind of wants Tom, or better yet wants the person Tom could be if he just let himself. Which is ridiculous, because Tom wouldn’t, and yet Greg keeps coming back to see him slip, and he can’t let it go. And it doesn’t make sense because even if he did somehow <em>get </em>Tom, he’d most likely lose everything else he wants.</p><p>There’s a vague, uncomfortable awareness that he probably has to decide which one he wants more, because both is contradictory. Which is a horrible, sickening choice the reasonable part of Greg can make in a heartbeat; the job, the apartment, the crazy luxurious life, of course, what kind of a question is that? He has more control over the variables, he’s learning how to swim faster than he first thought he would, and it doesn’t involve another, unpredictable, and frankly bordering on insane person who Greg isn’t delusional enough to believe would abandon his position and wife who represents everything he’s convinced himself he wants just to be with Greg. The reasonable choice is obvious.</p><p>But the catch is this: the reasonable part of Greg doesn’t have that much control over the things that involve Greg’s heart. Which is a bit of a cliché thing to say, but it’s the truth. Greg thinks that maybe he’s in love with Tom. Why else would he keep making the unreasonable choice? And he knows it’s stupid, and dangerous, and risky as fuck, not to mention that Tom’s hardly done anything to make him deserve Greg loving him, but it’s just the kind of thing that doesn’t have a lot to do with objectivity or reasons or risk factors. Which is frustrating, but Greg doesn’t think he’s prepared to wake up every day trying to kill it. It barely even works, anyway. If there’s one thing Greg knows he doesn’t want, it’s to be a walking contradiction. He’s just having a hard time figuring out how to avoid it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>genuinely have no idea if this is cohesive or coherent or tonally balanced ive been looking at it for too long some parts ive written rewritten edited and reedited into oblivion and some parts i wrote just now in a 3 am frenzy of inspiration which altogether comes down to a lot of time to spend on a 2k word fanfic but my classes start up again tomorrow and i have to be focused on analyzing 16th century legal documents and i absolutely cannot do that while thinking about tom wambsgans.<br/>hope you enjoyed!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>